I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
