scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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