your thong is hanging out like whoa
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
