I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
