did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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