i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
