cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
