she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
