Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize