This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
