i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
