Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
