My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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