Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
