Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
