Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
This beer is not sobering me up at all
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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