This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
