Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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