Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Why are your pants in the freezer?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
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