based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Randomize
