they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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