I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Randomize
