My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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