I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
