i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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