Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
