He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
