Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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