Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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