awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Randomize
