yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
