guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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