i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
