I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
