Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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