A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
she told me i tasted like america
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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