Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
