dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
