my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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