Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
