I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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