well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
