is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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