she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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