one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
My feet surprised me
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
