Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Hippo gnu deer
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
