So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize