so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
