One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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