What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
