Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
