just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
