does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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