I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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