Your mouth is God's brothel.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
