Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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