that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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