things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
