i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize