Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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