he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
