I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Randomize
