Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
